A Mother's Love

Yesterday was an interesting day. I got my little boy into a good daycare here in Red Deer. As of next week, I will no longer be a 'stay-at-home' Mom!

I have to be truthful, and share that I am seriously grieving this. It is great that I am going back to work, and it'll be awesome for him to make new friends, and get to play a lot. I just really CHERISHED my time with him.

Despite all that has happened over the past 2 years, I do not regret taking time out of my life this past year to be home with him. I have let go of my 'status' in the workplace, and the material gains from working, so that I could be 'present' for my child. The bond that we've created is indescribable. I never knew I could love this BIG and this HUGE. I am actually at a loss for words right now, with my attempt to describe how much I love this child.

Since I've become a Mom, I have experienced an interesting transformation. I have been able to see everyone as some one's child, a child who is loved by someone just as much. I find myself wanting to love those who do not have that type of love in their lives. It is this type of love that could transform the world.

Another step in the journey, another opportunity to see the impermanence of life. I suppose it will be like this his whole life, constantly 'letting go', and letting him grow up. He is not mine. I do not own him. He is on his own journey, and I am here to protect him while he's vulnerable and teach him how to be a loving, independent, contributing individual. I am blessed to be a part of his journey. I am happy he chose me to be his Mother.

I just wish my heart didn't ache so much at the thought of not spending time with him everyday. My humanity has the better of me today. I will turn this over to the universe to manage. I release it, I surrender it.

And so it is.