Thoughts from the day...

Blissful happy thoughts...

- Barefoot running in the snow makes me feel like a Woman who runs with the wolves.

- Grapefruit smoothies are refreshing and go down like a lightening bolt.

- Even though Hollywood romance movies these days are now about two guys and one girl, and how 'shocking' they can make it.. movies can still be romantic when you go with the right person ; )

- Home cooked meals by Mom are still my favorite.

- Bodhi's constant Valentine gifts are adorable, and I'm accepting everyone of them with joy & appreciation.

- Life offers up to me the vibes I give out. ie. Love. Feeling it today.

So glad to be me!

It's a New Day!

Almost a year since my last post! Interesting how quickly life can be experienced! I'm moved to write here again.

I've been at the same job for a year and half, and find myself quite at peace with the routine of my life. Aside from a recent daycare transfer that has Bodhi quite upset, for the most part, I am resigned to admit I've begun to feel the serenity that consistency that I was so desperately longing to feel this time last year.

I'm coming up to nine months clean and sober, and I'm absolutely amazed at how GOOOOOOD I feel. Words just can't seem to express how deeply grateful I am to not have that shit storm of negative thoughts clouding my judgement. I am simply a happier person when I'm not triggering the addict thought patterns that are still present in my mind.

It's Sunday night. I'm nervous about the daycare drop off tomorrow. Last Friday it took me a half hour to get Bodhi just into the front doors of the daycare. He kept running away.. poor lil man. Change is so tough for kids when their three years old. I've been attempting affirmations, reassurance, NLP anchoring good thoughts about his new daycare... guess I'll find out tomorrow.. Had to spend a ton of time this weekend soothing, and reassuring. My boss thinks I'm too much of a marshmallow with my boy.. I think I'm an awesome Mom.

My Lover - My Family

My family.


Connection.

Belonging.

I read books about Indian families, where there are dozens of relatives to help support one another, guide one another, love one another.


Granted, with more family come the potential for more disfunction, and drama. Perhaps it is human nature to want what we don't have...

Though my family is small, we are strong. I do long for a relationship, a partner, a friend in this journey of life. I hate admitting that out loud, because I judge myself as weak and vulnerable for wanting that.

But I know that is just my ego. When my heart is open I can feel how strong my desire is for a relationship, a strong connection with another is. I know that I am 'fine' on my own. I give this task to the universe...

I trust that my family will grow in perfect divine time, and all is well.

I love my partner now, even though he is not in my life at the moment, even though I may not have met him yet. I trust.

BFL - Day 8

What a whirlwind of a week. I only cried from the stress a couple of times. It's not like I'm crying because I'm super sad or anything, I just get so bogged down with deadlines and business that I just need to release... My friend said that when she was a waitress she called it 'swimming in the weeds' and that is what it feels like for me some days.

I do my best to balanced connecting with him... and manage everything else there is to take care of.

I know that I am doing everything I possibly can to be provide Bodhi with a loving, stable, happy, home... but at the end of the day, I can't help but be aware of the fact that even though I give everything I have to give to him.. it still isnt' enough... he deserves so much more than what I am giving him, but.. it's all I can give. , Every other single parent can relate to that I think...

Parenting is tough... Single parenting is extraordinarily tough.. I don't people to think I am complaining, because I don't feel victimized about it.. it is what it is... I'm proud of who I am in relation to being Bodhi's Mommy. I know I go into the day, show up, and give 100% of myself to what I'm doing... I guess today was just a really long hard day.

It's been a long hard week.

So, I must energize myself, and have been by eating well, and exercising... perhaps earlier bedtimes would help too.

He is so amazing too.. yesterday he asked me if we could go find the sunshine (it's cold and dark here in Canada and is for months) That made me smile! He is crawling on me now.. gotta go!

Day 3 - Body for Life

Well, I woke up today with an insane migraine! But with will and determination, I managed to pull myself together. I drank 2 liters of water, 3 Midols, 2 Tylenols, L-glutamine, Sunrider shake & a hot bath.. and I found myself reasonably able to deal. The pain is now gone, but the auras are in full blast! Weeee! Fun times, trying to audit paperwork when I can't see most of the letters has been entertaining!

At least I am here, showing up.

Noises seem louder, light hurts my eyes, and I seem to have to read things 4 or 5 times before it actually lands. Hmm.. am I to young to be having a stroke? Really, I probably shouldn't joke about those sorts of things.

At least I am still eating on track, and if I don't have the pain at the end of the day, I'm still going to rock my cardio workout at home.

I really have nothing inspiration to write about today. Honestly, some days it's just about showing up, and getting 'er done... today is definitely one of those days!

Body for Life - Day 1

Intention + Action = Results.

I am throwing myself into the 12 week 'Body for Life' progr am. It's always interesting, starting a new journey. A 12 week transformation challenge. The thing is, I know that this is going to be uncomfortable, and I know that my belief system is going to be challenged. The question is, how committed am I? What is my intention for doing this challenge?

I have written the goals I want to accomplish in the next 12 weeks. They are defined as follows:

1 - Decrease Body Fat

2 - Increase Muscle Strength

3 - Fit into size 7 or smaller

4 - Strengthen Back

5 - Feel Sexy!

Reasons why I have decided to achiee my 12 week goals:

1 - Have energy to keep up with Bodhi

2 - Inspire others in my life to be healthy

3 - Train for Life and Vitality!

It's time for a shift. And I am excited to be committed once again to a healthy lifestyle. I must do this for myself, and for my son. I am a better Mommy when I am healthy!

Namaste me! hehe.

I'm back - just rambling along!

Well, it seems that life has a way of happening quickly, and before I know it 3 month's has gone by and I haven't blogged!

I now have a laptop, and a renewed desire to write again, so here it goes... Let's just jump right into 2011!

~~~

I have found that these last few days, I am discovering that I actually have a desire to participate in Valentines day this year! Even though I am single, I do have someone I have a crush on. So, I've been entertaining ideas with myself about what to do.

I have decided that I like to celebrate life, and all of the small occasions inbetween the day-to-day!

As for my son, I want to get him something memorable also... I will ponder ponder ponder!

I feel as though there is so much to share since I last wrote, so I will sum it up in point form:

- #1 - Lesson Learned (or relearned) No one else can make me happy - that is an inside job.

- Getting escorted off a mountain on a spine board, then destroying a vehicle by hitting a buck deer all on the same day makes for a gratitude filled (yet painful n crappy) birthday.

- People can surprise you.. in a pleasently amazing way.. and I have come to see this in most people

- I love my new job

- I will not settle for anything less than spectacular

- I am snuggled into a routine, and it's been good for my soul and heart (not to mention my Toddler)

- Exercise is bliss

- Organic Peanut Butter is also bliss

That pretty much sums up my best experiences as of late.

I have been contemplating doing the BFL program again. I need to figure out a way to get to the gym to do weights 3 times a week. I am even considering leaving BD at day care a little later to make this happen. I am not sure just yet though, as I honestly HATE the thought of leaving him at daycare longer than I have to.. but I also hate the thought of getting out of shape and flabby!

I will prey and meditate.. The perfect solution will present itself!

Go me! http://bodyforlife.com/