So last night a friend shared with me that he experiences me as the same person he met five months ago. He was indicating that I am 'stuck', and that given my background I should be further along in my career, life, etc.
It caused me to pause and reflect, because to me, there is nothing worse than standing still, or being 'stagnent'. Throughout my life, I have been surrounded with 'personal growth' opportunities, I often buy-in to the idea that I must always be 'in process'. And that, my 'process' must look like manifesting outward changes.
To give you some background on myself, I was a 'career' driven, purpose driven woman. I strived and pushed myself for many hours a day, for the sake of 'personal growth' and being 'in service' to others. I worked as a Facilitator and a Personal life coach, and I found great enjoyment with my work. In 2008 I was blessed with a child, and have since 're-evaluated' my priorities, and where I want to direct my energy. I took a risk, and left everything behind, moving to Mexico with my son. Needless to say, though the experience was memorable and many lessons were derived from my Mexico experience, and since I've decided to raise my son in Canada.
Since I have been back in Canada, I have spent the last 5 months being a single 'stay-at-home' mom. My ego has been screaming at me that I should be 'doing more', that I should be taking some sort of 'course', or being in 'service' to others. However, I have the unparamounted task of raising my son. I am the 'soul' support for him. It is my greatest task, and my greatest opportunity. So my days are no longer spent in the fast-paced world of personal development seminars, and sessions, they are spent singing songs, teaching abc's, and looking for work.
The last 5 months I have embraced the experience of lonliness, courage, self-forgiveness, fortitude, humility, and most importantly gratitude for my life and my son's life. My greatest challenge is learning how to ask for support, and help. This is on-going, and it is my greatest risk at the moment. I do not want to raise this child alone, I want his life to be filled with loving conscious people who contribute and add value to his life. This is what I want to manifest for him! And, I must surrender to the universe and trust that those people are on their way. And I must 'Let it BE'.
I have realize that sometimes the greatest 'growth' or 'change' can occur when I finally 'stop' and just stand still for a while. I truly feel alive, and so connected to what is truly important... which is to love. There are many ways I can show up in the world, and this is my way right now and for now. It may not 'look' like the up-front and center way it did before I was a Mom, but my 'spiritual growth' has been profound.
So to my friend who shared that I haven't 'grown' or 'changed' in the past five months, I say thank-you. It caused me to pause and reflect upon my own process. And I am perfectly content with my 'process'. I know that my child will only be little for but a glimpse of time, and I am joy-filled that I have the opportunity to be at home with him and to just 'be'.
THAT is HUGE growth for me.
With love... Me!
