One foot in front of the other

Yesterday was my scheduled 'Long Run'. I only needed to do 7 miles, but after running 9 days in a row previouly, my head was SCREAMING to only run the 1 mile to keep my challenge agreement.  I got suited up, and headed out the door with my audiobook playing.  Once I hit the 1 mile, I thought to myself, "OK, I'll just run 1 more since I'm feeling pretty good". Then I started to think about how great it would feel to run the 7 miles, so I surrendered to the rythm and went for it.  I love this 'Holiday Running Streak' challenge so much!  I'm discovering new depths to myself, and pushing myself beyond my own limitations.  I have set out to maintain 'consistancy' & build 'strength' in my body, and that is what this challenge is doing for me. 

I had a lovely weekend, I slept, I ate, I ran, I watched movies, I really didn't 'do' much else. It was so great to RELAX! Feeling ready for the week. Bring it on!

Winter has arrived!

Yes, it's cold out! To which I reply, 'so'?  Honestly, peoples belief systems get all wacky when it comes to the cold weather (or so I've observed). All that is required is some very decent clothing, and a belief that one is capable of running in the cold weather.  I've heard all kinds of stories about why people can't run, and I've learned not to try to deter people from the 'reason's why they can't run. I find it's best to allow people to work through their own limiting beliefs...  But when RUNNERS tell me all of the reasons why they can't run, I start to have a harder time biting my tounge.  C'mon people! It's just weather.  We are so much bigger than those limiting beliefs about it being too cold to run (or too windy, rainy, snowy, etc.).

As I am typing this, my 'back of the head chatter' is railing on about being a pompous, judgemental, poophead. Well, I do judge.  Just like I judge myself when I sell myself short of any life experience because of some lame ass excuse.  And I do truly know when it is a 'lame-ass' excuse. 

I am on day 8 today of my 'Holiday Running Streak'!  I am finding it to be a great challenge for me. It has truly forced me to step outside the door (regardless of the temps) and run at least one mile! Today, I was only going to do the minimum '1 mile' requirement, but once I got out there I felt great and so ran 2 extra miles.

The above picture is one I took on my run a couple of days ago.

Life is short! Go for it!

2013 Holiday Running Streak!

Today, I committed to running at least one mile every day for the rest of this year.  I was intrigued by the challenge of consistency. This seems to be my undoing, I always start off motivated but then 'life' gets in the way. Well, for the 47 days I am going to run at least once a day for a minimum of 1 mile. Surely I can work that into my day.  Today I had to meet my son's teacher for a 'parent teacher' interview. It started to snow and snow and snow, so I decided that instead of navigating the 'mini-van' through the slippery streets, I'd throw on my sneakers and just 'run' to the school. So glad I did. I managed to get 6.5km's in, and was treated to a beautiful, wintery, snowy run.  Dreamy, happy running today. Life is a journey, and nothing lasts forever. Friends and loved ones move through our lives, and I want to cherish the moments I have with each and everyone of them before they slip away.  I know that even when those I love are no longer in my life, it's through spirit we remain connected. Anyway, these are the types of things I thought about on my run today.

On another note, my son's teacher told me that she experiences him as a very happy child, who genuinely loves to learn and be in school.  I feel so proud!

Ramblings about a moment...

It wasn’t obvious; rather it was in the stillness of the air surrounding him. The trickling pink notes of desire filled the air between us with promises of soon to be touch.  The vulnerable pressure in my heart forced the spilling waterfalls of words, causing my truth to fall flippantly upon his pillow.  Spindling verses of truth, the webs of my wanting began to connect us, and draw us closer. I am present only for him, as ice-covered time caused the full moon to stop in the sky.  I had been hiding for so long, and even so, I have always been connected to him.  He reached out and grabbed my hand. And with that breath-taking touch, my spirit surrendered. Humbly knowing that for that exceptional moment.... I was home.

Saying Goodbye...

I ran for you.

I ran in our city.

I hurt for you.

I cried for you.

I felt you with me.

Your imprints were everywhere.

Do you realize, what you're missing?

I could hear you.

Sometimes I dream you're still alive, and it was just a big joke you played.

Did you really know what you were choosing?

Are you sorry that you came here?

I ran past the places we ran together.

I ran past the place where I realized you were never going to write to me again.

I ran past the place where we'd sit and have lunch together.

I ran so fast, even though my back and heart were broken.

A spectator held sign that said, "Run for the world you wish to see." and I wept for you.

You're missed here on earth.

You made a difference.

You were loved.

When I crossed the finish line after 13.1 miles, I couldn't stop crying.

Why did it have to be goodbye?

So many reasons for me to quit, but I didn't.

I wish you didn't.

Life goes on.

I can tell you that I'm fine, because I'm made of flesh and bone.

Promises of a new day rise in my heart.

I will let the people here love me today.

Today I will rest.

Tomorrow, I will run for the world I wish to see, and smile knowing that you were once a part of it.

Rest now.

Goodbye.

Hitting the wall hard!

 

This week marks the half-way point of my first marathon training experience. So far, for the most part its' been easy running! I've been blessed with great training runs, and lots of smiles... until last Sunday on my 18 mile training run! I was completely stunned at the ferocity of my limiting beliefs, as I hit a hard wall for the first time. I wanted to quit, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I just kept going. As I was running, I was in screaming torturous pain, and so tired, yet I knew that if I just kept going, I'd have this profound spiritual experience.... really!!

uhh... ok Perhaps. Perhaps not. If all events are neutral, and we attach the meaning and significance to that event, then I get to create the meaning of 'hitting the wall' last Sunday. I mean after all, all of the drama should count for something!

The evening after this run, I was stunned into silence (trust me, this is most unusual). I just needed to go 'within', and contemplate on how I chose to deal with the experience, and what that says about me as a person. I reacted by swinging back and forth between victimization, anger, fear (what if I can't do this) and eventually stubbornness and determination. I was judging myself for being whiny, angry (dropped more than one 'F' bomb) that my body hurt when I wanted to run faster/further, and still determined that I was going to hit my target of 18 miles.

I judged myself for these feelings of struggle, until a fellow runner shared that they experienced very real and similar feelings. The point is, I'm still running. Regardless of the difficulty level of the obstacle, I'm still running. That's the lesson I'm going to take away from this. Life happens. Good happens. Bad happens. I get to decide how I'm going to respond to those things. I am a runner. I choose to keep running. One foot in front of the other.

I'm rewarding myself this week with a loving massage, and eating lots of fresh foods and beets! Now that I've had this experience, I know that when it happens again, I can and will get through it. I will live to run another day!  

A good place to be..

I haven't been able to write lately, my laptop isn't working, and I've been running on my lunch breaks. My days lately have been very full, and I've been squeezing the most I can into life.  Running has become a source of prayer and meditation for me during these hectic times. Bodhi continues to grow taller, the job continues to get busier, the boyfriend seems to get cuter, and the running miles seem to be coming faster.. I recently celebrate one year clean and sober. Life is so much better these days. I've been experiencing a sense of peace and contentment, even amongst the hectic busy days.  I have moments of grieving the changes in my life, and I just let them wash through me like waves. I don't need to cling to them any more, I can feel it, and let it go. Running helps.  Planning an 11 km run tomorrow, and I am so appreciative of my boyfriend stepping up to support so I can get my runs in.  My mind is empty... a nice place to be!